Think on these things...

Ok, I know I haven't posted in a while, but now here's something I wanted to write...

Today wasn't too bad I guess, but this evening I cracked a little under stressure (stress that gradually builds up until the person 'cracks' - either minorly or majorly. Usually expressed in an emotional breakdown - crying or anger).
I was thinking about how I was sick of school - just the fact that on Mondays, I do my Travel and Tourism assignment, Tuesdays-Wednesdays I do my biology assignment, wednesday afternoon I babysit, Thursdays-Fridays I do my Intro to Social Sciences and my History homework, Thursday afternoon is my homeschool group meeting. On weekends, I am normally busy, and even if I ain't, I don't get any school done because I procrastinate. Then it's Monday again, and the cycle starts all over again...
That a couple other slightly depressing things I was thinking about had me slightly distressed...not anything major, I just wasn't bouncing off the walls...
Then my dad informed me that since I hadn't cleaned my bike properly before putting it away for the winter, my chain was rusted almost solid and I'd need to get a new one (I'm pleading ignorance - never before have I been expected to clean my bike before putting it away unless is was extremely muddy or something...and I know wet causes rust but it wasn't wet...Dad said something about the salt off the roads)
After going out and seeing the extent of the damage, I cracked a little. All of my minor depression and frustration I directed at the bike. I wanted nothing more than to just kick it, beat it up, throw it out so that I did NOT have to deal with it anymore. I was mad at myself for not knowing better which resulted in the deterioration of my bike which I got practically new last year. I decided to just forget about the bike today, and focus on finishing my biology, because I just couldn't handle right now.

Then Philippians 4:8 came to mind: "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." I had been thinking about depressing things, and it got me depressed...that's the life lesson learned.

Last week Sunday, my Oma died :( For you non-Dutchies, that's Dutch for Grandma.

I miss her. The hardest was Saturday night when at 11:00 p.m., my sibs and I went to the hospital. She was unconcious, and, short of a miracle, she was going to die. I guess this is really when I 'lost' her. Even if she had regained conciousness and gotten well enough to go home, she would be the Oma I had known and loved for my whole life. I would still have loved her, but it would be different.

I have no regrets, for it was few times when I went elsewhere in lieu of going to see Oma and Opa. I still wish that just one more time, I could see her and talk to her. Just one more time.

I never said a proper good-bye to her...I couldn't. When we were getting ready to leave at 3 am, I looked at her in the hospital bed, and tears started falling and my throat choked up. She looked so frail and unlike the tennis playing Oma I had known. I tend to be an emotional person, and this was the first time someone this close to me had died.

When arrived home about 3:30 am, sunday morning, I was emotionally and physically drained. I slept solidly until ~9:30 am. We skipped church just because everyone was way too tired. My older sister had called a couple people to tell them that we weren't going to be able to be there, so they were short a couple of sunday school teachers, a nursery helper, and someone to do the coffee. At ~10 am, Dad called from the hospital to say that Oma had died.

Sunday afternoon, most of the family met at Opa's. Without my cousins, aunts, and uncles around, this would have been EXTREMELY difficult. But with a large family, you can get a hug whenever you need one.

As for right now, I'm still catching up on school because due the business and my disrupted schedule, my work habits were terrible last week.